Private Audience with Pope Benedict XVI

Well, in short, I was able to shake Pope Benedict's hand today. The North American College asked for a private audience with the Pope to commemorate the 150th anniversary since the founding of the college. The experience is inexplicable. Somehow, I was able to capture it all on video while shaking his hand and kissing his ring at the same time. Praised be Jesus Christ!

Here's a photo to tide you over until I can get the video up and loaded:



And here's the video: (I'm the one that says "Love you, Holy Father")

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sS425gqwB-U

Starved for Attention

This weekend, and on into next week, the North American College in Rome celebrates its sesquicentennial anniversary since the founding of the college. Many old faces have graced the premises these past few days, and will continue to do so throughout the next week. The festivities officially began this evening with mass at "Dodici Apostili," the "Twelve Apostles" church, which sits a few blocks away from the universities where most of us seminarians attend class every day.

Personally, it is one of my favorite churches in the city, with regards to its architecture and interior design. Frankly it was just an added bonus that the mass was held at this particular favorite church of mine. The real reason I went, to be quite honest, was the fact that Archbishop Timothy Dolan, the Archbishop emeritus of Milwaukee, was preaching the mass--the man who sent me here to study in Rome. With over a dozen bishops in the church, added to over 100 priests, I quickly got to thinking about my prospective future as a priest. Full of renewed zeal and excitement to one day return to the Archdiocese of Milwaukee as a priest of Jesus Christ, I began to think of all the joys and blessings that a priest experiences--celebrating the sacraments, acting as a spiritual father to the faithful, and so much more. Furthermore, I began to recall the many blessings that I have been given in my life. Loving family members and friends, good teachers and leaders, holy priests, the gift to be able to experience all that I have experienced. Yet, in all this, I found myself continually looking forward to my own satisfactions, my own desires, the way I would execute MY priesthood. See the problem?

As my meditations progressed, I heard God saying "Don't forget me!" As in, "John, don't forget why you're doing what you're doing. Don't forget the author of all that is good! Don't forget me!" Have you ever loved someone, or even just had an affection for someone, only to find out that your feelings aren't reciprocated? You yearn for the attention of that person. You try to stick yourself out there to make yourself known. Maybe you give gifts, or try to spend more time with that person. Maybe your love isn't returned with the same level of affection. Maybe it isn't returned at all. Even still, maybe your acts of affection end up creating a distance--or so it seems. Conversely, have you ever worked so hard to show your affection for another person, to find that it was met with sincere appreciation and joy? Maybe you put great thought into a gift, and seeing their reaction when they opened the gift made it all worth it. Maybe someone simply tells you of their appreciation for your friendship, your marriage, your mutual love. This is a completely different experience, and one that often makes us feel in complete bliss.

I often find that I can relate to both of these situations when it comes to my relationship with God--and maybe you have as well. There are times when God places blessings upon blessings and fills my life with graces that I never acknowledge. He showers his love upon us in all these good things that we encounter. But how often do we recognize the source of all those blessings? How often do we acknowledge the source of all that is good? Imagine, for the purpose of this reflection, how God might feel when we reject, nor even acknowledge that which He gives us, that which He blesses us with?

On the other hand, there are times when I acknowledge the graces and blessings that God bestows upon me--and for that, I am grateful. However, the Lord wants us to go deeper. He wants us to know how joyful He is that we recognize His love. We are the gift receiver, we are that significant other whom He adores. When we reciprocate that love, He is overjoyed...and He wants us to know that. It's something that I don't often think to do, but the next time you find yourself in a situation where you recognize God' grace, or when your virtuous actions are pleasing to God--imagine how He reacts! Imagine the love, the joy, the intense compassion he pours over us.

Certainly God blesses us with so much, there's no doubt about that. Yet, there is a danger in settling for the gift itself. The true gift is the giver--the source of the gift. It would be a shame, and dare I say impossible, for us to go through life appreciating all the gifts we have been given without acknowledging where it came from. That being said, I must admit that all the good gifts I receive are in vain, unless they direct us to God. So, my prayer is that those who read this message may allow themselves to be carried by the Lord, the Good Shepherd, that you may entrust your lives to Him and come to know the graces with which He desires to win your heart. He is the perfect suitor, you are the bride, the Church--fall in love with Him!

Reflections from Greccio

For the past 3 weeks, the individual classes at the North American College have been escaping for a week of silent retreats before the start of the academic year. Last week, our class spent our retreat in Greccio--the city where St. Francis of Assisi formed the first creche (live nativity scene). The city, if it is big enough to be classified as a city, is situated in a mountainous region to the north of Rome. It was there that we spent a number of days, united as a class, but in complete silence to pray and spend time with the Lord...

There were many graces received that week, however, I want to share a few insights that I gained while in prayer. Take them for what it's worth:

Firstly, I want to emphasize how crucial it is for us as Catholic Christians to strive to encounter the love of God through a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. This is one of the fundamental beliefs of Christianity that we ought to treasure as a gift: the fact that God came to earth and became man, and invites us to enter into a PERSONAL relationship with Him. That is, He loves us like no other as a unique person made in the image and likeness of God, Himself. He knows us better than we know ourselves. He loves us so passionately that His heart literally burns for us. This love is so immense, and it is a gift! All we have to do is accept it.

That relationship is so important, because it is the foundation of our relationships with one another. Without experiencing divine love, we can only love one another with a mortal love, which is fallen and imperfect. However, if we accept the love of God and reciprocate that love, it cannot remain within us. We are forced to pour out the love we have received from God to others. God is love. Thus, if we want to love one another, we must first love and accept God, who is love.

Secondly, it is important for us to remember how truly merciful God is. As St. Therese of Lisieux says, "You may truly say that if I had committed all possible crimes, I would still have the same confidence; I would feel that this multitude of offenses would be like a drop of water thrown into a flaming furnace" (Manuscrits autobiographiques, 313). With contrite hearts, yet humble confidence, rejoice in the fact that God wishes to forgive us and pick us up when we fall--that is the beauty of the sacrament of Penance. And what's more, as St. Paul says, "I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me" (2 Corinthians 12:9b). That is, when we are in most need of God's assistance, He willingly fills us with the graces needed to love Him! So, the next time you think "I can't do this," think of God saying "You're right, you can't, but we can!"

On her deathbed, Mother Theresa expressed concern to her sisters that they still have not encountered the love of Christ. I beg you to open your heart to accept God, who is immense love. When you become aware of His love, it is something truly better than anything that can be received on earth--it is supernatural! How do you start? Pray, and trust that God will provide. God always provides.

Visiting St. Peter

Archbishop Dolan has a little known book out entitled To Whom Shall We Go?, which is a series of reflections on the Gospel passages surrounding the relationship between Christ and St. Peter. I have been reading it lately after being so incredibly inspired by recent excursions to the Basilica of St. Peter to have Mass with the rest of the PNAC (Pontifical North American College) community, and a recent Scavi tour--a tour of the excavations below the basilica, which contains the bones of St. Peter himself!

I had taken the Scavi tour before, but for whatever reason, this time was special. Maybe it was due to the fact that I took the tour with a group of fellow brother seminarians who understood and appreciated the experience as much as I did, making it more prayerful and significant. I can't fully describe the Scavi tour itself, but I can say that after leaving the tour, I was speechless. I really began to understand, on a different level than ever before, the man who is St. Peter, Christ's 'right hand man,' and the rock upon which Christ built His Church. However, one does not need to come to Rome, necessarily, in order to encounter Peter, and hopefully Christ, in such a way. Granted, it would be a wonderful blessing to do so, but we can encounter Christ and the people He surrounded Himself with through the Gospels.

The Gospels should be our primary source of coming to know Christ. However, Archbishop Dolan's book does a wonderful job of supplementing the Gospel passages with his own personal reflections on the life of St. Peter and his interaction with Christ. Although I could harp about all the wonderful things that I have learned from the Archbishop's words, I want to single out one aspect that both Christ and Peter knew very well--the Cross.

In short, the Cross is what brings us salvation. Thus, it is only necessary that we participate in the Cross that Christ endured in order to hope for salvation. That is something that I have encountered more intimately since arriving in Rome--the redemptive suffering that Christ exemplified on the Cross. As I have mentioned previously, I have encountered a number of difficulties since arriving in Rome. Before I cause scandal I must emphasize that they are natural, healthy, difficulties, such as struggling to adapt to a new environment, missing family and friends at times, etc. However, it is through the various difficulties in our life (or mini-crosses, if you will) that we encounter Christ more than ever.

Is that really surprising to us? As Christ says in Luke's gospel, "If anyone wishes to come after Me, he must deny himself, and take up his cross daily and follow Me" (9:23). Jesus describes it so clearly, and yet, it is so incredibly difficult for us to accept. Why? Because we live in a world that wants us to forget that principle. Let me borrow the words of the Archbishop:

"Satan tries to convince us that the Cross [is] a sign of failure; Our Lord Jesus Christ tells us it's a sign of victory. Facing and embracing our Cross is the way to our salvation--and that's why Satan hates it! That's why he tries to talk us out of it, because he doesn't want us to reach salvation" (Dolan 71).

What it most impressing, in my opinion, about the passion of our Lord is the fact that He carried it out in complete humility and submission to the will of the Father. When He was betrayed by His best friends, He remained silent and committed to the will of the Father. When He was judged unjustly, He remained silent and committed to the will of the Father. When He was scourged, spat upon, beaten, mocked, all with the weight of the Cross bearing down upon Him, He remained silent and committed to the will of the Father. Finally, when He was nailed to the Cross and left to die, He remained faithful to the Father, even forgiving those who crucified Him. There is a beautiful line in Mel Gibson's "The Passion of the Christ," when Mary says to herself with such emotion: "My Son...when, where, how...will You choose to be delivered of this?" This perfectly exemplifies the humility of Christ in that at any moment He could have delivered Himself from the passion, yet, He remained silent and committed to the will of the Father.

Certainly, we could learn all there is to learn about embracing the Cross through Christ. However, I think Mary exemplifies the sweetness of the Cross in just as admirable a way. As Christ told the apostles to "watch and pray," so does Mary throughout the entire passion. She embraces her cross just as Christ did. How greatly she must have grieved to witness her only son handed over to be condemned, scourged, crucified, and killed before the public. Yet, she embraced the cross by walking with Him every step of the way. Yes, we can learn much from Mary's example, for we are not called, nor are we able to achieve salvation on our own with or without the Cross--it's Christ who does the saving. However, we are called to participate in Christ's suffering, that we may be united with Him through His suffering. Mary does that perfectly. She unites herself with her son, piercing her own heart in the process, and sharing in Christ's suffering. Mary, too, remained silent and committed to the will of the Father.

We all have crosses in our lives, some easier than others. In any event, let us strive to embrace the cross we are given, not for our own benefit, but to participate in Christ's suffering--the suffering that was born from unconditional, unending love for us all. We can't expect to bear our crosses for our own personal gain. What would be the purpose of suffering if it was only directed to ourselves? Rather, our suffering must be directed to God, who is Love, and suffered for us because of His immense love. Can't we strive to do the same in return?

Close to Home

I didn't have many expectations before the start of my time here in Rome. I think it's fair to say that my mind was most focused on and concerned with the fact that I would be leaving many things: friends, family, familiar lifestyle, my Archdiocese, my home! I mentioned in a previous post about a homily given within the first week of my arrival by one of my formators, who spoke about the surrendering of the life left behind in order that Christ may sanctify it.

Well, I've had a similar moment of grace bestowed upon me within these past couple of months here in Rome. I know that one of the major opportunities available here in Rome is the chance to understand, more fully, the universal Church. The chance to be at the heart of the Catholic Church, a stone's throw away from the rock of our Church, Peter, is definitely an opportunity that will form me in such a way that I will be able to share that with my home, the Archdiocese of Milwaukee--certainly not without the grace of God.

What I have noticed is, since my arrival at the North American College in Rome, I have felt a stronger connection with the universal Church. More significant, however, is the fact that I feel a much deeper connection to the Church in the Archdiocese of Milwaukee. As good or bad as it sounds, living in Italy amidst the Catholic communities here causes me to appreciate the faithful back home. Since being removed from the Archdiocese, I have come to love and appreciate it more than ever. Living in a diverse seminary community, which itself is secluded from the rest of the city of Rome, causes me to appreciate where I came from, where I grew up, where I was raised in the faith. We have much to be proud of in our Archdiocese. We are blessed with faithful parishioners, holy priests and religious, and good bishops who shepherd us as Christ did.

Yes, there is much to be proud of. I am honored to live in Rome, in a community of seminarians from dioceses across the nation, and represent the Archdiocese of Milwaukee. I can humbly and gratefully boast in the graces that God has bestowed upon the faithful in southeastern Wisconsin. It is said, 'you don't know what you got, til it's gone.' I think that rings true here in Rome where, although I am blessed to be studying at the heart of the Catholic Church, I am also filled with hope and joy knowing that I will return, God willing, a servant priest of Jesus Christ for the Archdiocese of Milwaukee, where my heart remains.

Feast of the Assumption

Today is a special day for Siena. Not only is it time for the Palio horse race, but it is the feast of the Assumption, to which the Cathedral of Siena is dedicated. Since the medieval days, Siena has been celebrating the Palio and the Assumption as almost a joint feast day—celebrating both in a religious and secular sense.

For the past few weeks, preparations have been made for this weekend. The Cathedral did its part to prepare for the feast by offering a novena to the Blessed Mother. I, along with the other seminarians, was able to participate in this 9-day prayer. After a few days, the priest leading the novena recognized that some young men (probably American-looking) were regularly attending the novena. Eventually, he asked one of us who we are and why we are here. After explaining to him that we are seminarians living in Rome, but visiting Siena to study Italian, he asked us to meet the Archbishop of Siena, who had celebrated Mass that day.

After briefly greeting the Archbishop, we were invited to serve at the Mass of the Assumption—arguably the most celebrated feast of the year (that’s right, maybe even more popular than Christmas or Easter…sadly!). Therefore, I was able to serve Mass today for the Archbishop of Siena in arguably the most beautiful Church in the world on arguably the most important feast for the people of Siena—a feast that cannot be recapitulated in words.

It was a blessing and a gift to be able to serve this Mass. Today, I felt a deeper connection with the universal Church than I ever had before. One of my brother seminarians pointed out the timeless nature of the celebration that we were able to be a part of. Not only is the Church timeless in the sense that it was created by God, who is eternal and everlasting, but the fact that Siena has celebrated this feast in the same way for the past 700 years is itself almost a timeless facet of the Church of Christ. It reminds me of the millions of people who have gone before us in the faith. When we celebrate Mass, we celebrate it with all those who have celebrated it throughout history, and all those who are present in the world today. Christ’s Church has no physical or temporal boundaries. The same goes for the prayer of the Church—the “Liturgy of the Hours.” This ancient prayer, which revolves around the Psalms, has been prayed for centuries, for millennia. Now, when the Church prays it today, we join in prayer with all those who have prayed it in the past and who pray it around the world now. It is an incredible feeling and a beautiful aspect of the powerful nature of prayer in which we participate.

So here we were, six seminarians from obscure cities in the United States, serving Mass for the Archbishop of Siena on an enormous feast, with television stations and hundreds of people in attendance. Each neighborhood of Siena had flag bearers and drummers present, dressed in medieval garb. It was a wonderful celebration and a true gift to be able to celebrate this special feast with the people of Siena. What’s more is that we were on the altar with mere strangers—yet we were welcomed and treated as some of the most important people in the city. It was truly hospitable. You really can’t judge a book by its cover here. From the pews, the people who often serve the Mass at the Cathedral seem disinterested or downright angry—not unlike the average Italian you meet on the streets! Yet, when we were invited to serve the Mass and were able to get to know the priests and laymen that serve at the Cathedral, I was pleasantly surprised by their kindness and generosity. If only I could say the same about the average clerk or business person!

The Secret Garden

Pictures of my favorite spot in all of Siena...a secret garden tucked away from the main streets of the city (as mentioned in a previous post):

Living With Grandma

When it came time to choose which language school to study at in Italy, there was one thing on mind—which environment will give me the most intense language course? My objective was to come out of my language studies as fluent in Italian as I could possibly become in 4 weeks. So, I requested to live with a family in order to have more opportunities to practice Italian. I pictured a family with parents in their middle to later years and a few kids. What I got was a retired old woman. So, the living situation was not exactly what I anticipated.

When I arrived in Siena, there was plenty that I complained about, for one reason or another. The food isn’t good enough, it’s too far a walk to school, I have zero amenities, etc. By reading this, you’re probably thinking exactly what I’m thinking while writing this—what a lush! Well, that’s the conclusion that I have come to. I will confess, I have been far too ungrateful for what I have been given thus far. However, I want to point out one aspect in particular—living with my host “family.”

Part of it may be caused by the fact that I come from a loving, intimate, enjoyable family who I miss dearly, but I have too easily pointed out the insufficiencies of my living situation here in Siena. Again, my whole objective in requesting to live with a family was to practice Italian—so why am I complaining? I got what I asked for, right? Although it’s true, I did get what I asked for, there’s something more to it.

Within the past few weeks that I have been in Siena, while eating dinner daily in the company of this elderly woman who cooks for me and has invited me into her home, it dawned on me that maybe, just maybe, I shouldn’t always look to what’s in it for me. In fact, this woman and I have had some great conversations about religion, the Church, Italian culture, etc. There’s a quote in M. Raymond’s book, The Family that Overtook Christ, which basically states, ‘God put me in this tiny place in this tiny speck of the universe, which we call [Siena], to make it beautiful, for Him.’ Who knows, maybe God has called me to love this elderly woman as Christ did, and bring Christ to her through my words and deeds.

We are all called to be the body of Christ. We are called and sent to bring Christ to the world. So, as I think about the many things I have been blessed with and ask God to change my heart to accept the little nuances in my life, I ask you to do the same out of complete love for God.

Visit from Assisi

There are 3 major locations in Italy where “new men” go to study Italian. The two other locations apart from Siena are Assisi and Ravenna. Most of the new men study in Assisi, and three of our fellow classmates came to visit Siena this weekend. We were able to spend some quality time with one another and get to know each other a bit better as well. We showed them around the city, which is quite a bit larger than Assisi, and made sure to hit the major sites and Churches that Siena has to offer. Although their stay was short lived (one night), it was an enjoyable experience to open our arms to our brothers who are studying and living in other cities around the country.


After a wonderful Sunday Mass at the Cathedral (Duomo), our group decided to take a trip out to the Basilica di Santa Maria dei Servi. Having seen the Basilica before, I decided to stay back and spend some time with one of the guys here in Siena who I don’t get to talk to very often. We had a wonderful conversation about life in Italy thus far, the Saints, and general discussions about the life of a young man following Christ. We both enjoyed talking to one another and I think we would agree that it was something we needed at that point. It got me to thinking about the importance of Christian fellowship--something I first experienced on an expedition with CYE (www.cyexpeditions.org).


Sometimes I find myself thinking that the way to know Christ is by sitting in the chapel long enough until God imparts His divine wisdom upon you and you are then able to interpret Scripture perfectly, know God’s will perfectly, and live a heroic life like the Saints did. Now, there are many things wrong with that thought, not least of which the theology of the statement. But, I want to bring up one comment specifically—that is, the importance of Christian fraternity and sorority. No, I’m not talking about grabbing a keg of trappist ales and inviting your best religious friends over for a crazy night. Rather, I’m talking about the importance of having quality friends who help you come closer to Christ--although A FEW trappist ales might be in order.

We all know the people in life who we spend time with, but don’t really feel like we accomplished anything while spending time with them, or we walk away questioning why we decided to get together. On the other hand, we know those people in our life who challenge us to become better people. They encourage us to lead virtuous lives. Why do we feel better when we hang out with certain people? I am going to venture to say that it’s due to the fact that we need those relationships. If you recall back to my point that we desire the greatest good, it makes sense that we also prefer those people who help us to achieve that greatest good—perfect, unconditional, reciprocal love with God for eternity.

In Pope Benedict XVI’s book, Introduction to Christianity, he brings up the story of Baron Münchhausen, who gets himself stuck in a bog and has nobody to help him out of the bog. Thus, he tries, rather absurdly, to lift himself out of the bog by his hair…but to no avail. Pope Benedict references this example to make the analogy that we, as Catholic Christians, often think that we can achieve spiritual heightening by ourselves. This is just as easy to achieve as it is for the Baron to lift himself out of the bog. Instead, we require good Christian fellowship to guide one another to God. I think that this analogy is most evident when lived out in normal circumstances. Such was the case while conversing with my fellow classmate and brother seminarian. Humans are, by nature, beings that need company. Thus, we are inclined to desire good, quality, Christian fellowship that, like any good and loving relationship, points us to the love of Christ and enhances our relationship with the Trinity.

Living in Italy

I don’t think it has quite set in that I will be living in Italy for the next few years. What I mean to say is, I still feel like I’m in Italy temporarily—as if I were on vacation. That is obviously not the case. I am slowly, yet often, reminded of that fact. For example, something so simple as getting my haircut was a larger ordeal than I anticipated. Back home, I simply go get my haircut at the same place where I have been getting it cut for the past 14 years…not the case here. It’s the simple things that I often took for granted back home than I am having the most difficulty adjusting to. Things like having internet access, numerous shops nearby, or a large and cheap meal are just simply not as accessible as they were in the States.However, these nuances have often forced me to appreciate other simpler things in life. For example, for my final class of the day at the Dante Alighieri language school, our quaint “professoressa” took us for a picnic in the beautiful gardens of Siena. All along the way, our teacher would point out the wonderful scent of the rosemary bushes, the budding olives in the trees, and other fruit-bearing plants, while marveling at their beauty. She amazed me by her keen sense for the immense beauty that exists even in the smallest things. It was like watching a toddler point out in amazement all that is pleasing to them—so joyful, so simple, so holy.

Finally, surrounded by Chianti vines and olive trees, we found a cool oasis in the hot summer garden to sit down for an hour, eat a light lunch, and practice our Italian. Perched on an ancient stone wall which sat on the top of a bluff, we overlooked a stunning view of the Tuscan country side—full of olive trees and grape vines—something out of a Hollywood film! It was the perfect end to a long week of studies. I often lament over the fact that my classes take up so much of the day and I rarely get much free time. However, today, I was able to stop, put aside all the stress, worry, and nuances of my new Italian life, and enjoy the beauty of God’s creation here in the heart of Tuscany. It was truly decadent.

Today’s Gospel passage speaks of “taking up your cross and following [Christ].” So often I find myself either complaining about my crosses, or denying them altogether. Or else, I don’t recognize the opportunities to bear my cross. I think the beauty of today’s afternoon picnic may have been God’s way of telling me that “although there will be crosses along the way, what I have in store for you is more beautiful than you could ever imagine.”