I'll be honest--one of the things I was looking forward to most before coming to Rome was the chance to learn Italian. I have always had a desire to be multilingual--so much so that I would pray constantly for such a gift. However, once I entered the seminary two years ago, I was sure that it would no longer be possible. That is, I would have other priorities that would be more important, and therefore, I wouldn't have the time to learn any more languages. Some of us may have heard the famous passage in the Bible, "So I say to you, ask, and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks, receives; and everyone who seeks, finds; and to him who knocks, it will be opened" (Luke 11:9-10). Well how fervently do we actually believe that? How many times have we found ourselves saying “I prayed for that, but it never happened?” I catch myself thinking that all the time. However, this time it was different.
There was a point within the past two years where I had given up with the whole language dream. I decided that pursuing the Priesthood and fulfilling my role as a seminarian was more important than languages and I would have to up my dream of becoming multilingual, as difficult as it was. That is to say, I threw away my own ambitions and surrendered to the will of God. This was my prayer for the past two years since I entered the seminary: “make known your will to me, Lord, for that is what I know will make me happiest and that is what I want to follow.” I write this in utter honesty—in times of difficulty deciding whether or not I was making the right decision to pursue the Priesthood, I found myself simply asking God to give me the wisdom to be able to decipher and comprehend His will for me in my life. As far as I was concerned, multilingualism was already being collected by the garbage man.
So, I continued on my journey through college seminary and, wouldn’t you know it, there was a twist in the story. This past summer, I had the opportunity to travel to Spain and live with some friends for 4 weeks in order to practice and become more fluent in Spanish (or should I say Castellano). For nearly 4 weeks, I lived, prayed, ate, and spent time with the Schoenstatt (Catholic) community in Madrid. I did get to practice Spanish, and I did become much more fluent in the language—at least enough to consider myself bilingual. Yet, throughout this 4 week period, I was always concerned about whether or not I was achieving God’s will. Isn’t that funny? All this time I had been praying for the chance to become multilingual (as silly as that sounds), and when I finally get the chance, I’m not thankful for the gift but worried about whether or not God willed me to do it all (the conclusion I eventually came to can wait for another post on another day).
Moreover, I found out last December that I would be studying Sacred Theology at the Pontifical North American College in Rome. I admit, almost hesitantly, that as soon as I found out about Rome, I began looking so forward to the chance to learn Italian. Well here I am, achieving that dream, and what am I thinking about? God’s will.
I have come to the conclusion that God has turned my heart. God is answering my prayers—not because I prayed for the chance to become multilingual, but because I surrendered to God’s will. If you do seek the will of God, I PROMISE YOU, He will give you everything you desire. But, be aware, that you might come to realizations that surpass your desires. Such is the case that I am experiencing now. I have come to realize that there are gifts in this life far more important than those that we want, or even think we need. For years, I thought that my desire to learn multiple languages was of the utmost importance. Now, I realize that there are far greater gifts than these: family, friends, the love that they show to me, the Universal Church, and not least of them, the manifestation of God’s will for us. Why was I so caught up in worrying about speaking to people of other nationalities and languages and not so worried about talking to God? I asked and I received, I sought and I found, I knocked and a door opened me unto a world that I never knew I could experience.
I love learning Italian, don’t get me wrong. That desire has not died. However, in all my struggles, I have found that one thing that fuels me through suffering is the fact that I am seeking, and possibly following, the will of God. This is the source of my joy. How else could I be consoled through suffering if I didn’t have the joy of knowing that I was enduring it all for the sole purpose of seeking the Lord? Surely it brings purpose to my life, and I hope it will bring purpose to yours. We would all do well to constantly search for God’s will in our lives. Why? Not because we are called to be God’s slaves who follow His every order in order to feed His gluttonous rampage. Rather, we are called to love, serve, and follow Him because it will bring us to true eternal happiness. It will lead us to what our heart TRULY desires—Him.
Through the intercession of Mary, our Queen and Mother, Lord send us your spirit and reveal to us the glory of your resurrection, as you did to your disciples!
